Even if it Hurt
by Dragon Heart Cries Tonight
Summary: Truly, she had always known. It didn't hurt. Nothing really ever hurt her, but at the same time it did. Yet, she didn't care, even if it did hurt.


It was the night before their wedding, she was supposed to be happy. They were her friends, so why did it hurt so much to know they were smiling at each other, kissing, with the utmost love and adoration in their hearts. It felt like something was being taken away from her, and surely it was. Love definitely involved some falling, and there wasn't always someone to catch you. She snorted, knowing that he obviously wasn't afraid of heights, especially if he was getting married, and could easily save himself from falling to his death. She, on the other hand, had no one willing to catch her, and would fall blindly, not knowing when she would collide with the inevitable death because she couldn't see. Love is like suicide, she thought, chuckling bitterly.

She was so foolish! What was wrong with her, falling in love with someone clearly uninterested? Yet, she knew that she was powerless to stop it. She hated the feeling; being powerless to do anything, being so **_weak_**... But at the same time, she loved it. She love that only one person could make her feel this way.

Even if it hurt.

She remembers back to a decade or so ago, when they were still kids and hadn't thought about marriage at all. When he was having nightmares again.

"Aang, Aang, wake up! C'mon, get up!" She yelled in his ear, his tossing and turning having caused vibrations that woke her.

"Huh? Toph? What's wrong?" Aang responded groggily, though glad to have been woken from the frightening dream.

Toph rolled her unseeing eyes, "You were having a nightmare, obviously, and it was annoying me. What's the problem anyway? This never happened before."

She thought of how well she controlled her raging concern. She almost let a smile break through at the thought. Controlling her emotions had been something she was used to when her stomach fluttered around him, or when she was forced to seem happy at a dinner or party with her parents, or even when people made her angry by insisting she was fragile and couldn't do anything for herself. Even with all that training, Toph know she let slight sadness slip through at his next comment.

"Toph, what if... what if I'm not good enough? What if we can't win because of me? Millions of lives would have been ruined, and the sacrifices would have been for nothing, because of me, and-"

She stopped him before he could rattle on. Stupid Twinkletoes, always doubting himself. How could he be so blind? Aang was pulchritudinous, because beautiful wasn't enough of a word, and the others definitely weren't good enough. He was so just because he was him. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders, yet could smile and laugh through it, always brightening a room. He always put others before himself, always cared for even the worst of people. She couldn't remember him ever sounding so lost and sleep deprived. It hurt just to hear him.

"Nope. I am _**not**_hearing this right now. You're the avatar, master of four elements -soon, at least- and the spirits wouldn't have made you the avatar if you couldn't do it. We both know I'm right, so just go to bed, Twinkletoes."

He made a sound as if he was about to argue, but a stern glare from her sightless eyes made him think twice. He crawled back to his resting place, and thanked her, letting her come to realize something she thought impossible.

"No problem. Goodnight, Twinkletoes."

But what she really wanted to say was, 'I love you.'

But here she was, ready to tell him the truth after so many years of hiding. At first, it was just a quick visit to see the one that got away before he was tied down forever, to relish in the moment of feeling like there was still a chance, even if there wasn't. Knowing that this was her last chance, she took it. Toph knew she couldn't do it after he finally got the woman he actually wanted, able to keep her forever now, just to ruin his happiness. She was ready, but at the same time, she wasn't. What would he think? What would he say? Would he push her away forever? Would he be disgusted? She knew that these thoughts were silly. Aang was too nice and caring to do that to a friend.

"Aang, I need to tell you something," Toph said, almost shakily.

"What is it, Toph?" Even now, he was still good ol' Twinkletoes, walking towards her with light steps, asking with such innocence and childish wonder.

"I love you," she said aloud after so many years of keeping it in, almost sighing in relief over the lost weight on her chest and burden on her shoulders.

"Toph, I-" Aang tried to start, but was interrupted, as was a habit of her's.

"And I know, you have Sugar Queen, you don't need or want me, I'm wasting my time, but I had to tell you. I've loved you since that night, when you had nightmares because you didn't realize that nobody's perfect, but you were close enough. I'm sorry that I just couldn't hold it in anymore and couldn't tell you sooner and have to put you through this and couldn't just accept that our relationship was platonic and messed with Katara when I was jealous. You don't have to tell me that it won't work out now, and wouldn't have then. I know." She truly had always known.

Aang's mouth had run dry. Had his friend really been feeling this for years? He truly was blind. He finally managed to speak after seeing her eyes gloss over, making a beautiful color but conveying a heartbreaking emotion. He teared up too. "I'm sorry, Toph, I wish I had known..." he trailed off into a slight sob.

Toph couldn't believe he was the one crying! She panicked, "But it's okay! I'm fine know, I'm not as frail as people think." She said this thinking back to her years of sorrow, smug at surviving.

"Yeah, I guess you are," he replied softly, thinking the same and smiling.

"Don't worry about me, Twinkles. Plus, I'm still going to be at your wedding." She couldn't deny him something he had obviously wanted; all of his friends joining together at his wedding.

Even if it hurt.

Oh, Toph was there alright. She laughed and had fun with the others. Later, she sat right through it and almost lost her composure when the priest asked who objected. When no one did -aloud, at least- they continued on. She wanted to cry, but at the same time, she didn't. Her heart broke and her body wracked with silent sobs, tear after tear spilling from eyes that couldn't see. Everyone assumed it was tears of joy, her friends being married and all. Maybe she was becoming soft. The failed to notice the whispered words escaping her painted lips.

"I do."


End file.
